Thursday, January 29, 2015

How To Write With Kids

A year ago today, I abruptly stopped editing my Nanowrimo novel to participate in the miracle of having my insides cut open to yank out a tiny human. My writing hiatus ends now, and since this is my third child, I've got a plan for how to jump back into writing.

Happy birthday, Linden! Mommy's running off to live with the squirrels! Enjoy your cupcakes.

How To Write with Kids:
1. Leave out snacks. Kids like candy, cupcakes, and chips. Remember that tiny humans are still very short (especially if they are MY tiny humans), so you may as well leave the food out in bowls on the floor.

2. Pretend to be deaf. What? I can't hear you! I'm sure that Jimmy can patch his eye by himself. This is how you learn not to hit each other, children.

3. Everything is closed. The other stores heard that Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays and they got jealous. Marbles, jump houses, and everything else is closed for the rest of the winter.

4. Remove all the clocks. Your kids don't need to know that you are putting them to bed an hour early, and since you're deaf, you can't hear that they need a drink of water after the lights are out. See someone fighting in the middle of the day? Oh, must be nap time! Again!

5. Supply books and DVDs, preferably ones that teach children how to get dressed, make a sandwich, pour milk, mop up milk, vacuum up chips, brush their teeth, nap, apologize for hitting Jimmy, and first aid.

6. Get a babysitter. HAHAHA! (Wait. Do you know one that takes cupcakes as payment?)

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